Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
