Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
this boner is exhausting
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
