Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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