When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
