im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
