New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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