the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
