I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We left the knife in your bed.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
