im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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