Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
