don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize