PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
