a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
