Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I can text with my tongue
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
