Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
