did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
