the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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