was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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