All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
