Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize