watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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