those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You've changed since you got that strap on
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
