You're my little dorito
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize