I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
