I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
