Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
is wine microwaveable?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
