This girl is more easily done than said...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize