Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
