my vag is so smooth its legendary
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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