I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
