Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
