She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
