OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
