Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
