If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
