I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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