It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
