This girl is more easily done than said...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Randomize
