Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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