hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
