What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
