do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
