If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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