youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
