I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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