honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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