I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
