I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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