when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
