Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
