Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize