You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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