You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
