At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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