Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
