Say something about gay babies.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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