I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
the liver wants what the liver wants
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
