He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
