Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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