high people should be assigned attendants
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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