They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
