yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
