Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
