I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize