She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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