I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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