trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
