Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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