I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
