how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
