I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
